2 Things Smart Daters Do After Divorce

Before we begin, let’s be clear: there are no one-size-fits-all rules when it comes to dating after divorce.
Picture of Elvis Presley Leaning In To Kiss A Woman And Making A Joke About Tinder

There is no “list of things to do to land a man in 30 days” nor is there a reason to blame yourself if he’s “just not that into you.”  Why?  Because every woman dating after divorce is different – and every woman dating after divorce is looking for different things.

Here’s the catch, though: most women dating after divorce approach dating the same way.  They wait until they’re on an actual date to start sizing up a potential partner.  The result?  A merry-go-round of first meets, bad dates, failed relationships, broken hearts, and a lot of wasted time. 

At its core, dating is a process of elimination with one goal: forming a long-term relationship with a compatible partner.  The keyword here is process.  Dating is a process and, like all processes, if you’re not doing it consciously, you’re probably doing it wrong.
“Dating is a process and, like all processes, if you’re not doing it consciously, you’re probably doing it wrong.”

I have yet to meet a prospective client who dates consciously.  Although almost all of the women I’ve worked with have a checklist (or three!) of things they’re looking for in a man, not one of them has ever entertained the idea of trying to recognize a compatible partner before meeting them for the first time.  Even more alarmingly, surprisingly few women I’ve worked with understand how important it is to understand themselves, and what unique traits make them compatible, before they start dating online.

Conscious, confident daters do two things differently (and consistently):

(1) they partner with themselves first and

(2) they screen men before they go on dates


Partnering with yourself first means that a single woman has taken the time to get to know herself, to identify her core needs and values, and to clarify exactly what she’s looking for in a relationship.  It also means that a single woman understands that she’s looking for someone to complement – not complete – her and applies this understanding to every aspect of the dating process.

Armed with this knowledge, a single woman can use the personal information men share about themselves on dating sites to begin identifying potential compatible partners before their first face-to-face meet up. 

This approach also empowers them  to stop dating randomly and, perhaps for the first time in their lives, begin to experience the joy of dating. 

Single women who partner with themselves first don’t waste their time in dead-end relationships.  As daters, they feel calm, confident and in control of a process they understand.

I can’t tell you who Mr. Right is – only you can answer that question – but I can help steer you away from Mr. Wrong. 

If what you’ve read here resonates with you, or you’d like to learn more about how to partner with yourself first, please e-mail me directly at bernadette@compatibleconnections.biz or  schedule a complimentary Discovery Session.  I’d love to learn more about you, your story, and how Compatible Connections can help you become a confident, conscious dater!

Wishing You All The Best in Life & Love,

Coach Bernadette

Bernadette M. Smith, MCC

Bernadette M. Smith, MCC

Bernadette M. Smith, MCC, is a certified dating & relationship expert with over a decade’s worth of experience. She is the founder of Compatible Connections, a boutique coaching firm that specializes in helping divorced women become confident, conscious daters.

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