The Meet-Cute

A Message From Coach Bernadette

Everything —yes, everything — looks better from the outside than the inside.

You may think having a partner to share the New Year with is all you need to be happy, but being in a relationship isn't easy. It requires a lot of work, healthy compromises, and understanding differences without judgment.

Relationship experts, however, are quick to warn us that happy couples are almost never as happy as they seem.

Is the grass always greener? I know from personal experience, and from working with my clients, the answer most of the time is no. How many women really know how to be great pickers the first time around? Not many! The truth is most of us get fooled.

If you find yourself wishing you had a “plus one” on your arm this year, stop and remember that being single frees you to live authentically. You don't have to fake your way through another holiday, family gathering, or work-related event, straining to keep a smile on your face while secretly wishing you could leave a miserable relationship behind you.

Yes, singles may feel lonely sometimes, but true loneliness is feeling alone in a marriage. Be grateful that your occasional feelings of loneliness stem from actually being alone, not from being stuck in the wrong relationship!

So many men and women settle, whether they fully realize it or not. They marry the wrong person because it seemed like the next logical step. Or because their biological clock was ticking. Or because everyone expected them to propose, so they did. Or because they were worried no one else would come along. And while it's true that couples can (sometimes) make a mediocre marriage work, in the end do these lucky few ever feel like they're truly loved? Probably not.

Great gifts are worth waiting for: being cherished by a man who says "I can't believe I met you!" is something you truly deserve. Remember that as you head into the New Year. And, as always, if there's anything I can do for you, please let me know!

You Deserve True Love,

New Glossary of Modern Romance

Ghosting? Breadcrumbing? Orbiting?

Chances are you've heard these terms being tossed around. There's also a good chance that you have absolutely no idea what they mean ...if you're anywhere north of 40, at least.

For women of a certain age, having conversations about modern romance can feel a bit like trying to decipher a foreign language.

But no worries, we've got your back! Here are some key terms and definitions to help you make sense of the New Glossary of Modern Romance.

Ghosting

The opposite of love isn't hate; it's indifference. Ghosting, for those of you who have yet to experience it, is what happens when someone you believe cares about you disappears without explanation. No phone calls or emails, not even a text. Ghosting isn't new - people have long done disappearing acts - but years ago this kind of behavior was limited to a certain type of scoundrel. In today's dating culture, though, ghosting is an increasingly widespread phenomenon.

Breadcrumbing

Ah, breadcrumbing! The coward's way out of what is already a coward's way out. Unlike ghosters who cease all communication completely, breadcrumbers will send flirtatious but non-commital texts - like "Hey, what's up?" - without ever making an effort to meet up. Breadcrumbing can go on for months, even years. For the breadcrumber, this behavior is an "easy" way for them to keep one foot in your life in case they decide they want to pursue something further on down the line. (More alarmingly, breadcrumbing can also be used to make you so desperate you'll jump at the chance to spend time with someone ... on their terms of course.) Sometimes, the breadcrumber will disappear for weeks, only to resurface and throw a few more crumbs your way, leaving you to tear your hair out, wondering whether or not they're interested in you at all.

Orbiting

This is one of the newer, and more terrible, modern dating trends. When someone is orbiting you, they'll outwardly be ghosting you but continue to closely follow you on social media. (You won't know this is happening on Facebook or Twitter, but Instagram Stories and Snapchat will tell you who has watched your content.) More often than not, if someone you thought was ghosting you suddenly reappears, they've been orbiting you the whole time. People's motivations for orbiting can vary, but this kind of behavior is especially popular with men who don't want to fully commit but also want to hedge their bets. Avoid orbiters at all costs! As the saying goes, if someone doesn't want you at your worst, then they don't deserve you at your best!

Dating App Spotlight

Burner

A private phone number.

$0.00 (Free Trial)

iPhoneAndroid

"Only give your number to people you trust. For everyone else, there's Burner..."

I have to admit, that's a pretty good tagline!

As someone who worries about my safety, as well as the safety of my clients, it resonates.

Whether it's a blind date or a too-good-to-be-true listing on Craigslist, we've all experienced trepidation when giving our number to a total stranger. Burner handles this conundrum with grace and style, putting multiple short-term phone numbers at your disposal for any occasion, each of which can be nuked with the tap of a button.

Signup is quick and painless, although you are required to share your real iPhone number with the developer, which then becomes your account number.

The Heart Beat

Dating can be a thrilling adventure, but it can also be dangerous.

That's why it's so important for single women to proactively protect themselves, online and off. This article from The Rebel Chick does a great job of breaking down why you should use a fake phone when online dating.

Burner phones (or numbers) used to be associated with espionage and other shady dealings; today the technology behind them is quickly becoming a necessary feature of online dating.

In fact, this article from the Daily Dot says burners are the secret weapon every online dater needs!

Bad first dates happen to everyone...but sometimes first dates are so bad they make the leap from terrible to hilarious.

Just ask these 10 women who shared their hilarious worst first date stories.

Too many divorced women hesitate to try online dating because they feel it takes all the magic and romance out of falling in love.

ot true! Quite the opposite in fact, as self-confessed online dating skeptic Diana Bruk argues in this wonderful article, "I Hired an Online Dating Coach and This Is What I Learned".

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