Resources for Divorced Daters
Dating after divorce can be a thrilling adventure of self-discovery, but it can also be a personal minefield.
What separates successful daters from unsuccessful ones isn't good looks, luck, or a steady stream of online admirers. Successful daters understand that dating, especially dating after divorce, isn't a numbers game. It's both an art they can master and a science they can learn...if they're willing to take the time.
Below you'll find a curated list of articles, books, and videos to help you become a confident, conscious dater. This list is updated on a regular basis, so be sure to check back in from time-to-time! And don't forget to check out our Dating Tips and Inspirational Graphics too!
Articles By Coach Bernadette
Love Your Life After Divorce
4 Empowering Ways To Reclaim Your Life After Divorce
The Slow Fade: What It Means ... And How to Avoid It
2 Things Smart Daters Do After Divorce
The One Secret To Attracting Ideal Men
5 Simple Things You Need To Start Doing
Random Dating vs. Dating Deliberately
So many things separate random daters from deliberate daters, but perhaps the biggest single difference is deliberate daters understand the importance of compatibility. Does compatibility mean different things for different people? Of course! But all deliberate daters know what compatibility means for them. And that means they know what they’re looking for in a partner long before they hop on the Internet or sit down for a first date.
There are more books on dating than dieting. Most dating books on the market are advice-drive and written for notoriety. They're all about pushing your buttons, playing on your emotions, and peddling one-size-fits-all solutions to complex problems.
Trust me, I know. I've read most of them!
Having said that, there are some real gems out there. Here a few titles that won't waste your time, insult your intelligence, or ignore what makes your search for lasting love uniquely your own.
Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man
In this book, Steve Harvey, has a sincere desire to help women learn how men think. He is the first male author I know willing to literally throw men under the bus! Harvey shares his truth about telling his readers the truth behind what men really are thinking while they’re dating you! You’ll enjoy his stories.
Men Are from Mars, Women are From Venus
John Gray, Ph.D.
This is the best book John Gray wrote. It’s the foundation to understanding men and how men and women communicate differently. Once you understand it’s just the way it is … life, dating, and relationships become easier! There’s no “fixing!”
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment
Amir Levine, M.D. & Rachel S.F. Heller, M.A.
Levine and Heller guide readers in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mate) follow, offering a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections with the people they love.
In the Meantime
You’ll find this book to be one of your favorites. It’s a great place to begin as a divorcee as you put your pieces of yourself and your life back together again. It’s a fun and educational read. You'll definitely learn something new about yourself in each chapter!
Every living being wants to experience the light of love. The problem is that our windows are dirty! The windows of our hearts and minds are streaked with past pains and hurts, past memories and disappointments. In this book, Iyanla Vanzant teaches us how to do our mental housekeeping so that we can clean the windows, floors, walls, closets, and corners of our minds. If we do a good job, our spirits will shine bringing in the light of true love and happiness.
Divorce rocks the very foundation of our beings, leaving us feeling lonely, flawed, enraged, undesirable, hopeless, and empty. In Spiritual Divorce, New York Times bestselling author Debbie Ford reveals how this devastation can be transformed into a profoundly enlightening experience. This empowering guide shows how the collapse of a marriage is, at root, a spiritual wake-up call, an opportunity to liberate ourselves and reclaim our lives. The end of a relationship—no matter who ends it—is a damaging moment. Ford offers a clear program for turning ruin into renewal.
The Way of Integrity
With techniques tested on hundreds of her clients, Beck brings her expertise as a social scientist, life coach, and human being to help readers to uncover what integrity looks like in their own lives. She takes us on a spiritual adventure that not only will change the direction of our lives but bring us to a place of genuine happiness.
There's a small army of self-proclaimed "experts" out there, and they're all competing for your clicks and attention. They're not shy about telling you what you should or shouldn't do to find love, they all seem to contradict each other, and they've produced hours of content for you to wade through.
In my professional opinion as a Dating Coach, the best videos are short, accessible lectures by experts that focus on the core fundamentals of dating and international relationships. Here are some of my favorites!
The Power of Vulnerability
Brené Brown studies human connection — our ability to empathize, belong, love. In a poignant, funny talk, she shares a deep insight from her research, one that sent her on a personal quest to know herself as well as to understand humanity. A talk to share.
You Can't Always Trust Your Gut About Dating & Mating
LeslieBeth Wish, Ed.D.
Your gut instincts about love could be strong--yet WRONG! Learn how to get rid of what gets in the way of your intuition being accurate, and how to use surprising tips to "read" people--and you--correctly.
LeslieBeth Wish, Ed.D., MA, MSS, is an award-winning psychotherapist and author, nationally honored for her pioneering research about women’s issues about love, trauma, career, and intuition. Her book "Smart Relationships" is based on research with thousands of women. She says when something “bothers” her that she cannot fully explain she does research.
How Changing Your Story Can Change Your Life
Stories help you make sense of your life -- but when these narratives are incomplete or misleading, they can keep you stuck instead of providing clarity. In an actionable talk, psychotherapist and advice columnist Lori Gottlieb shows how to break free from the stories you've been telling yourself by becoming your own editor and rewriting your narrative from a different point of view.
Prof. Laurie Santos
Professor Laurie Santos joins Dr Mark Williamson for an inspiring conversation sharing life-changing findings from the science of happiness. This was broadcast as an Action for Happiness webinar on 11 June 2020.
Why She Fell In Love With You
Love takes time - it doesn’t happen overnight. We fall in love with someone when they show us, consistently, that they’re willing to put our needs ahead of their own. It’s the small, seemingly insignificant actions that add up over time, until one day we realize, “I love them.”